P-Smack

So today, I woke up to help out with a BCCSC outing at Pasir Ris Park as part of the journey towards 'Radical'.

Basically, it was just watching over and talking to a group of kids. Some with special needs... Most normal - But all very cute.

As we were playing there was this one kid that struck me. Perry. He had to be reminded to go to the toilet lest he wet his pants... And he was a special needs child. My heart went out to him as I tried to make small talk with him, holding his hand as we walked to the toilet. His conversational vocabulary with me today was limited to 'yes', 'no' and chirpy laughter. I can't help but wish there was more I could do for him.

My heart is in a mess. I worry I ran into this path solely to get away from the emotions that were catching up with me.

Thank goodness we chose the failsafe.

"Why didn't I see him?"
"Maybe you weren't looking."

14

If you really care about someone... You'll take the hit.

Desperation Quotient - (11.05.09)

Scarcely had you left
Thus began, I, my silent wish
In becoming your acquaintance
If you would please to acquiesce

In every chance of union
I bent to run, to run away
Materialising instead a shield
'Mechanism of sorts'... or yet, more wordplay?

I think fondly, miserably of all the glances we took
At each other, from both near and afar
Could it be your eyes? But they spoke
Of something yet birthing - Something even more

More to be seen, ferociously opened
Or perhaps unraveled with gentle, gingerly motion
Into the deepest and darkest of all of your oceans
Belong the emancipation of my buried emotions!

Of all the things that I left unsaid
I wanted to tell you: 'I missed you the most'
Never knew you, never could hold you
But this - I wanted you to have known.

Chaos comes with an uneasy peace
As I find, I'm facing your churning waves
You're the ocean, freely I freefall into
You're the storm that washes me away.

Kicked Out!

So I'm in the PW room, and then we were taking photos and stuff.
And my teacher kicked me out. But she let me back in again, so... It's all good.

I'll be going out later to sell off something at Bedok, then rushing off to meet Joshua and Cheryl at 333 for lunch. After that it's time for worship practice... Hopefully everything goes according to how God wants it to be. I'm always learning lessons in pride and humility... The focus should always be on God! And I've been so tired recently. It doesn't help that I have an essay and 2 DRQs to complete by Monday. But I'm confident I can do it...

On a side note: I've been mugging quite crazy this past week. Every free period I got I'd spend it in the cold Study, studying. I guess now, you could say I'm on the right track. The EXCO interview for Canoeists was on Tuesday, I think I did pretty well. But as to whether I'll be Captain, we'll leave it to God...

Hoping today's better than getting kicked out, and around.

Serangoon Gates (26.03.09)

I saw a lame mynah outside today
Had she, three wings for just two
Hobbling imbalanced, away from this observer
Turning back towards thy melancholic school...

Sat me down, within the machine
Did I stop to offer a pray'r
For the meek little one, never to fly
Ill-fated underachiever

Yet have we 'birds' like these around?
Our eyes, exist to confound and enshroud
A compassion for the unloved and lost
Just pray tell, it's not too late at all...

Before one is lost, within the hollow chasms of apathy.

Sicovit (14.03.09)

Falling inside the black, he could feel her grasp. How it felt as her hands ran through his hair, as she whispered into his ears. Her embrace so beautifully crushing - It seemed to outlast eternity itself. He knew in this dream, that like all his other previous dreams, it would end in a slow fade.

... Now the silent dark, though once emancipated - Had retreated back to the pit from whence it had come.

He groaned as moonlight poured deliberately into his eyes, sitting up in the contemplative quiet.

"Another dream." He thought aloud.

Sheer remorse and petrifying guilt gripped his soul... One's very essence. Between the sheets now lay a man tormented by dank solitude. Even the doors to his heart lay opened so long, they festered and fell in upon themselves - Sealing off a chance at peace.

He thought about it, again.

The memories, were like a heavy-hearted work of art. As the nostalgia set in, and amnesia took its leave of absence, there was only one thing on his mind at that point of time.

It wasn't 'her' anymore...

... He could just only remember how lonely he had been.

Handed (02.03.09)

Envelope yourself
In chasms of darkness
Was it not foretold
Someday you'd be alone

29 flickering candle-lights -
I surround you in forms like these
Quiet... Present in ways, most subtle
Yet I love how you hate I exist

If only to haunt you in thought
Your spheres of cold, silent contemplation
These grinning mouths hang open, thought you might go it alone?
Yet, we are here... Together, but each - As one.

Now, forsaken are the minutes you played for me
On yellow, rusty piano keys
That all sang in the only voices which could speak to me
If you could be here right now
If I still knew you...

I'd hold you close within my arms.